Playing House.... No one plans to be a birth mom.

Taking a little break from the standard "Wacky Wednesday" to a post something I had written a few months back.  Today seems like a fitting day to update it and share.....

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I have this feeling that although there are thousands of little girls out there playing house right now: wrapping up their baby dolls, giving them their bottles, going grocery shopping and loving their "husbands" (the poor little boy down the street who got roped into playing house with her).... not one of those little girls is thinking "When I grow up, I want to be a birth mom.  I want to choose life for my child and then trust another family to raise him/her because in my current life situation I am unable to." Nope.  The little girls out there are not saying that.

I think when we (as a culture) think about adoption, we think about the adoptive parents and the orphans.  We think "there are kids who need a home and amazing adults who want to love and parent these kids".  We envision orphanages in other parts of the world where there are babies lined up wanting and NEEDING someone to love them.  We envision teenage girls in the US who don't have an abortion for whatever reason and are in a place where they are unable to parent their child.  An adoption plan is made and another couple's dream to have a child comes true.  Life continues.  The equation works out.  Child needs home.  Parents want child.  All is well.

What we don't usually think about is this: There is a mother who gave life to her child and is now saying good-bye to that child on one level or another.  During the days following birth, this mother may be dropping her child off at an orphanage, choosing a family through an adoption agency or leaving her baby with a social worker.  In many cases (especially international adoptions) she will never see that child again.  But my guess is (speaking as a mother), she will never forget about that child.   She will move on with her life, she may medicate herself in one way or another for a time (exercise, avoidance, alcohol, meds, work, travel, whatever it may be) just as we all do when we are dealing with loss. Time will pass, but I don't think she will forget?  Will she?

I would guess, and the books I have read support, that at some point in every adopted child's life, he or she feels the loss of not being raised by his/her biological parents.  I know that loss is different for each person.  For some people it will define who they are.  For others, it will merely be a small piece of their identity.  But no one can take away the reality - there is loss.

So, today is a very bittersweet day for our family.  It was one year ago today that our amazing, beautiful baby boy came into this world.  After a mere 5 days in the hospital with him, his birth mom handed him to Marty & me and trusted us to take care of her son.  She has trusted us to love him and nurture him and for me, to be his Mommy.  I love being his Mommy.   I also love acknowledging that there is a very special woman out there who also loves him very much.   She made the choice, first to give him life and then to give him a life she could not.  When she made this choice, she became his birth mom.  If she had not, she would simply be his mom.  We will never forget the difficult choices she made and the love that we share for our baby boy.

Happy birthday baby G!  We are so glad that you are a part of our family.  

Lovin' his new toys!

Although he smashed it, he never actually tried any of the cake.  I think it was too late in the day for him.

G on his birth day!  One year ago today.